Deciding to conceive again
Pregnancy after loss can be a time filled with guilt, fear and anxiety. It can also be a beautiful experience to be celebrated and a source of joy seeing your new baby grow.
The mixed emotions can be challenging and exhausting. Take your time, be open about how you feel and surround yourself and your partner with the necessary support of loved ones, medical practitioners and self-care providers.
Everyone’s story is different and there is no right or wrong time to start thinking about or trying to conceive for another baby. If your doctor has advised to wait for a period of time before conception, it is important to follow their advice.
“We conceived our second baby boy three months after our precious first-born son, Ari, was born still at 39 weeks on 20th August 2019. Were we ready? Gosh I don’t know if you are ever ready after the heartbreak and devastation from your baby dying. For me, the first 10 weeks of this second pregnancy were terribly difficult emotionally. I was happy and very grateful to be pregnant again, but I had conflicting emotions of guilt and fear. I felt guilty for our precious Ari and felt like we were replacing him, which of course is not the case. I also felt angry because we ‘shouldn’t’ be pregnant again this soon. We ‘should’ have our precious three-month-old baby boy here with us. It did take that full first 10-12 weeks to get my mind around being pregnant again.”
– Vanessa Brookss, mother to Ari. Read her story here.
Your next pregnancy
During your subsequent pregnancy, your doctor will consult with you and put together a pregnancy plan. This may include more frequent appointments, tests or ultrasounds to monitor you and your baby. It is not uncommon in the third trimester or at the gestational age at which your stillborn baby died to be attending more than two appointments per week.
Bereaved parents in our community have shared that during their ‘rainbow baby’ – a term commonly used for a baby born after a miscarriage, stillbirth or infant loss – pregnancies, they have used additional or a combination of self-care rituals, spiritual and healing modalities, and counselling services or resources to guide and support them.
“Here I am four years on – standing, smiling, and living a truly wonderful life with my two living, breathing rainbows. Layla’s baby siblings brought light back into my world. Their very being is a constant reminder of what we lost when Layla died – but there’s always beauty amongst the sadness.”
– Name withheld, mother to Layla Emerald. Read her story here.
