Goodbye for now.

I have waited for you all my life,
When you came, you did not arrive,

I am waiting & you are not here.
I have been waiting a long time,
I know you are near.

You lived in me for nine months,
I sang to you lullabies & I know you could hear my laughter.
I thought we would live together for ever after.
I held you tight for as long as I could,
You chose to fly away up into heaven,

Deep down I knew you would.
I dreamt of you every night,
You were an amazing delight.
I envisioned an incredible life with you,
Now every day I mourn life without you.

If wishes could come true.
I would wish to hold you in my arms,
I would hold you tight
I wish I could fight,
Fight to give you life.

Instead of laying in intensive care.
I must wake up & say goodbye,

Even though you just arrived.
I need to wake up & hold you for the last time,
I must wake up & see your face & hold your tiny fingers in mine,
I must wake up & ask God,
Damn you. Why?

I must wake up & feel the warmth of your body next to mine,
I need to wake up before your spirit moves on,
I must wake up before they take you away,
I must wake up before tomorrow,

I need to wake up before you are frozen & cold,
I need to wake up,
Please help me wake up,
Tomorrow came & I did not wake up.

Asleep in a coma, I lay there asleep, as time & days tic toc away.
Family buried you & now I am lost without you.

When I woke up, I just wanted to die.
I cannot even cry.

My world is empty.
There is nothing here for me,
I am confused & lonely,
Nobody seems to understand me,
I am so angry,
I hate me, I hate you & I hate everything & everyone.

I want to break free,
Can someone rescue me?
Alone I stand with a broken heart,
Alone I wait, knowing we are apart.

I will wait & wait,
I will always be waiting for you, even though your spirit is far.
You were never mine & I was never yours,
You were not meant to be,
But one day you will be with me.

As time goes by, the absent memory of you remains deep indented in my heart,
You now have a brother & sister & it is the beginning of a new start.

Nothing will ever replace you,
I will always be waiting for you.

Your journey in life ended inside me,
I did not have the opportunity to meet you.
I did not have the privilege to see you,
There was no time to get to know you,
Yet it is as though I have always known you.

You saw nothing of this life, as you were proclaimed as still not born.

Evangelista I will always love you,
Deep in my heart, I will always be secretly waiting for you,
Goodbye my little baby girl,
Goodbye for now.

Some day we will finally meet.
Goodbye, my little baby girl.

Goodbye for now.             


Zampia Koustas is mother to Evangelista Koustas, born still on 7th March, 1999.