I was 38w6d gestation.
Early hours, Saturday morning on the 18th of June 2022 I woke, and I just had an instinct. That mum instinct: I felt something wasn’t ok with Stevie.
I noticed reduced movement. My husband said to me to, ‘just call the hospital and go get checked’. I went in and they attached the heartbeat monitors to my stomach, and I saw the look, I felt it. No heartbeat. I screamed and said, ‘turn the machine off’.
After hearing those words, ‘I’m sorry we can’t find a heartbeat’, I was numb. I gave birth vaginally to Stevie. I was induced and labour was a long 16 hours. But he was perfect. The silence when he came out was something I won’t ever forget. I just cried. Just like that he was taken from me… it hurts so much.
I don’t know what happened. A full autopsy was carried out and I got back no answers. Organs healthy. My placenta healthy. Externally perfect. He was a good size 3kg, 50cm long. They can’t tell me what went wrong. After I birthed Stevie, my husband and I got the time to spend with him. I whispered to Stevie how sorry I was. I don’t know what happened. I love you.
Stevie is my second child. I was a low-risk pregnancy. I did everything the same as my first pregnancy (I have a beautiful daughter, age 4, Nina). You hear about stillborn babies and miscarriages but you just never think it would happen to you. You never really hear anyone talk openly about their loss. I carried Stevie for 9 months. I felt his kicks every day. I will continue to speak about him, he may not be physically here, but he will always be with us. Always a son, grandchild, brother and nephew. Stevie, my angel baby boy forever and always.
Sincere thanks to Rhiannon for sharing her story and love for her beautiful son, Stevie.