Despite what we know about grief and the fact that two parents have experienced the death of their baby, you may find that attention will be focused mainly on your partner as she grieves. Indeed, you may find that you are also focusing only on her grief at this incredibly tragic time. While we believe that it is important that you support your partner, you should know that it is also just as imperative that you take the time to focus on your own grief. You are still a father and this is your baby too.
At this stage, you may find that you don’t feel yourself and that nothing feels ‘right’. This feeling may persist for some time as you struggle to put your life back together and create a new ‘normal’ after the death of your child. You may feel angry, irritable with everyone, empty and, most likely, helpless to fix what’s happened. It will be confusing trying to support your partner and grieve at the same time.
You will search for answers that may not be there to explain why this happened and what you might have done to prevent it, and you will probably feel overwhelmed by it all. Often, even after autopsy, there will be no explanation for why your baby has died and this can be both infuriating and a cause for despair. Stillbirth is, generally, out of anyone’s hands and it will be difficult to stomach that.
Overall, please don’t deny your grief. Though you may want to be the rock, there is no shame in admitting that you are utterly heartbroken that your baby has died and that you need time to grieve in your own way and in your own time.